New Hope Grief Support Community

NEW HOPE Grief Support Community ©
www.newhopegrief.org

This is some general information from the adult NEW HOPE GRIEF JOURNEY HANDBOOK

Grief is the response brought about by loss or change. It is not just the loss of a loved one, but also from the changes, in our lives such as divorce, moving, changing a job or career as well as situational changes. The difficulty in overcoming the effects of grief depends on the nature and depth of the loss. To feel and experience grief after the loss of someone we love and care for is normal, natural, and expected. It is a normal human reaction to loss or change. Grieving is done in a wide variety of ways involving the 4 dimensions of our lives: mental, social, spiritual and physical areas.

Grieving is recognized by psychiatry as a normal and necessary reaction to loss of someone we love. There are very complex reactions accompanied by a wide range of contradictory emotions and distorted behaviors.

Because of the wide variety of behaviors and variety of human responses, grieving persons are often surprised, bewildered and perplexed by their seeming inability to recover or “feel normal.” Prior stressful crisis in the pas, now are somehow ineffective. The consequences are additional feelings of frustration, depression and even despair as their lives become increasingly dysfunctional. “Grief often surfaces as the underlying cause of various physical and mental aberrations.” People seek physical and mental health care without necessarily recognizing that there may be a grief issue underlying their particular physical and mental condition. Aaron Lazare, a psychiatrist at the Massachusetts General Hospital, estimates that 10-15% of the people who pass through the mental health clinics at the Massachusetts General Hospital have underneath their particular psychological condition, an unresolved grief reaction (Lazare, 1979).

There are emotional reactions, stages or phases that the grieving person will experience following the death of the loved one.

The grieving person will experience these perhaps some but not all and not in any order. Grieving persons will revisit the emotional reactions to their loss many times over during the acute phase of their loss, in the first few years post-death of their loved one. Acute, raw grief endures for 1-2 years or a bit longer. One never gets over the death of a loved one but can get through it with the help of grief support groups. In the event of a person feeling “stuck” or prolonged in their grief, the help of professional counseling must be sought out.

Do’s

Do let your genuine caring, emotions and concern show freely.
Do be available to listen, run errands, help with the Children or any other felt need that will be supportive help for the grieving person.
Do say you are sorry about what happened to their loved one and about their pain.
Do allow the grieving person to express as much grief as they are feeling at the moment and are willing to share.
Do talk about the special endearing qualities of the person they have lost.
Do give special attention to the members of the family at the funeral, and in the months to come. They are hurting also just as the grieving person.

Don’ts

Don’t avoid the grieving persona because of your own awkwardness or sense of helplessness.
Don’t allow your own grief for the loss of the person to cause you to avoid the grieving person.
Don’t say “I know how you feel.”
Don’t offer solutions of the replacement to them (they can always have another child or get married again).
Don’t avoid using the deceased person’s name because it may cause them to cry. Crying is normal, healthy, reaction of loss.
Don’t try to offer a positive reason for the death of the person.